Who I am v.s Who i want to be
*Warning: Contents of this post will probably cause you to judge/side eye me**
As a teenager i feel like there is always the battle:
Who you are V.S who you aspire/want to be.
I would love to be “that chick”. Pastel hair, legs longer than the rest of my body, slim/fit, awesome style (aka always looking like i just came out of an urban outfitters ad or American Apparel), awesome music taste, and always just calm and cool, not obnoxiously loud and goofy. okay.. so honestly, im just describing tumblr hipster but yeah, thats who I want to be.
So whats stopping me? Other than the obvious my-legs-will-never-be-longer-than-the-rest-of-my-body-because-i-was-just-not-that-fortunate-with-my-anatomy.
Why dont i just loose the weight? Choose better clothes? Dye my hair? Try and contain my loudness?
I have two excuses:
1) Ive tried. In the depths of my closet I have those hipster clothes that id LOVE to wear but i dont. It’s just not me. (Its who i want to be.. see wat i did thur?) In fact in the morning i put them on and right before im about to head out the door i change into jeans and a basic t shirt. And there are some things i just cant change. Like my personality and music taste. I cant help that i’m extremely emphatic, or that quite often im bitchy.. no i could help that but i choose not to i get super pissy when i do. and I cant help that my general music taste consists of musicals…
2) See one. Kind of. It just doesnt look right and i feel very limited. I live in a small town and im around the same people day in and day out. I feel so boxed in to staying who i currently am. I want to loose weight people tell me OH YOUR FINE THE WAY YOU ARE. I want to dye my hair? OH DONT DO THAT! I wear a skirt “OH MY GOSH THE APOCALYPSE”
But honestly, why does that stop me? It shouldnt and i know that but its so difficult trying to change an image ive created in the past 15 years.
Well Enough of this shit. Im going to. No more of these basic shirts, no more feeling fat days, Anyone can look the way i do - its basic, It takes effort to look a way and i want to. Fuck this.
Start with the look. I will probably never be the epitome of cool but at least i can look the way i want.
-A Bunny With Motivation To Change